


La Douleur Exquise, The Pain of Unrequited Love

by a_very_visible_ghost



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, F/M, Light Angst, Might add chapters later on, Slight Canon Divergence, Unrequited Love, ambiguous - Freeform, gender neutral reader, i added minor previously-unspecified details, i think, if this sucks then im sorry, melancholic af, possible ooc, shy reader, the musings of a lonely teenager who likes to insert themself into anime universes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 19:40:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8546572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_very_visible_ghost/pseuds/a_very_visible_ghost
Summary: I'm often overlooked, and so my absence is rarely acknowledged.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! First time I brought myself to post a fic here, so constructive criticism is greatly appreciated! Thanks for taking the time to read, I hope you enjoy it!

Well.

Here I am, not thinking of anything but him, as per usual. 

Looking anywhere but him, seeing nothing but him.

His smooth caramel voice occasionally contributes to the chatter around me, and whilst objectively it doesn't stand out that much in tone or volume, to me it feels like a sharp knife slicing through the thick wall of noise encompassing us, and the strange sense of clarity it cuts out of the chaos makes me feel connected to him for a brief moment, a fraction of a second where our souls brush against each other before he stops speaking and the wall stands between us once more, larger and stronger than ever.

I realise, in that moment, that his attention was directed at me, his dark, glinting eyes boring into mine, as if he could read through me as easily as if I were a brechtian character, a simple sign summing me up hanging heavy on my neck. Knowing his intellect, he probably could.

Too late, I finally come back to reality, only to find that the chatter had ceased, every member of the host club's eyes on me. This being a rare occurrence, I naturally become extremely flustered within .5 seconds of making this discovery.

'I asked you a question, Y/N. Didn't you hear me?' Kyouya's calm voice once again reverberates around the space, this time creating much more of an obvious impact, one even someone who isn't hopelessly in love with him can appreciate.

'Are you okay, Y/N-chan?' Honey-senpai adds, sickly sweet concern lacing his voice. I love him like a younger brother, but the boy Lolita thing never really has much effect other than irritation on me.

To be honest, all the eyes burning into me in that moment were getting unbearably uncomfortable, so despite my cripplingly-embarrassed state, I decided I really must speak up soon, if only to quieten every nerve in my body screaming at me to run.

'Y-yeah, I-I'm fine guys, just z-zoned out a li-ittle...Sorry, Kyoya-senpai, w-what was your question?'

Kyouya didn't respond for a moment, presumably analysing me and coming to some sort of conclusion before repeating himself:

'I asked whether you would be up for help us with our plan to infiltrate Haruhi's old school, but you clearly haven't being paying attention, so asking for your help would not be the be wisest choice, seeing as you're uninformed, and the plan is time-sensitive so explaining everything to you again would take up too much time. I suggest you go get some rest, since you aren't needed right now.'

'Jeez, that's kinda harsh, Kyouya.' chimed Tamaki, who surprisingly hadn't spoken up much so far.

That may be true, but I wasn't surprised. Over the few years I've known Kyoya, I've grown used to his distant and often cold attitude to those around him, including myself. That's not to say I wasn't hurt, oh no, I could certainly feel that familiar ache in my heart, clearer than a sky on a summer's day. It's just...I've loved Kyoya for a while now, I've known him for even longer, so I suppose It's no longer a new feeling.

Oh, the joys of unrequited love.

Slowly, with shaky limbs and an aura of resignation I'm sure the ever-observant Kyoya didn't miss, I got up. Dull E/C eyes glued to the floor, I mutter a goodbye and turn toward my dorm. Unsurprisingly, nobody comes running after me. I was a quiet person, and my lack of contribution to the group meant that my presence was often overlooked, hence nobody truly missing me when I wasn't there.

My hands continued to shake with each step I took, but no tears came. It's okay, I'd say. I'm used to this. Words I said often enough to be considered a catchphrase, if they were only a little cheerier.

I'm surrounded by such happy people all the time, so why do I feel so horribly lonely? Why do his words hurt me so?

Thoughts kept buzzing through my brain, each one plunging me further into my foul mood, dragging my limbs toward the floor with the weight of their harsh truths.

This night will not be the first one I spend crying myself to sleep, I think bitterly to myself, an unnatural smile stretching my face in a way that felt just a little to tight around the edges.


End file.
